Noise

Steve Collins

noise is unwanted soundwhich is whyyour parents call the music you like noise

but noise isn't just about sound
it's about information
noise is whatever drowns out or interferes with or conceals meaningful information
sound engineers, radio engineers speak of two things, signal and noise.
the signal is the message, the meaningful part of the transmission
the noise is all the unwanted stuff that interferes with your ability to hear
or decipher the signal.
our lives are full of noisetoo much information
too many messages that don't add up to any coherent whole
all competing for our attentionwe can't find the signal
or make anysense of ourlives

and so we gointo the desert to escape the noise

but then we can hear our internal noise
some of which is very grossespecially during silent prayer
and some of which is subtle but more deeply disturbing
like tinnitus
which is nerve damage to the inner ear resulting in a permanent whistling or
hissing noise inside your head that you can neverescape
for someone like me who suffers from it there is no longer any such thingas silence
if i am in a silent place what i hear is the high-pitched whistle inside my own head

and that's just the physical noise inside us

but our heads are full of mental noise.
the thoughts that won'tstop chattering that stupidsong that you can't get
out of your headthat nagging worry about somethingyou said or didn't say
that hurt and anger thatyou can't let go of, churninginside you when
you're supposed to be concentratingon work that dumb
joke that keeps making you giggleon the bus so that people lookat you strangely...
andwhen you're alone you can't pretend any more that any of these were necessary
so you try and put them aside topray

and now you become aware of spiritual noise

all those things that compete with god
distracting your attentiontowards selfish or worldly concerns
drowning out your attempts to hear god's voicedistorting the message
or making youlose bitsli e a mobile ph ne pasng under a bridg

sin is a kind of spiritual tinnitus
thecloser we get togod's silence
themoreweareawareoftheunceasingwhineinsideourselves
ofwantandneedandhurtandself
trouble iswe've lost the volume knoband anyway we're scared of silence
because without all the activity and distractions
we'll have to face ourselves and godand we are frightenedof what we might find
but god longs to heal us
to still the oscilloscopes of our souls
turn the noise off
and give us peace
because only then
will we be able to hear
the music of heaven